Hi BlueMountains...I just met you on here and don't have much advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone and that I'm thinking of you. I hope you start feeling better soon and come to a decision that you are at peace with. I know how it feels not to want to go IP with every fiber of your being. I would say that being totally honest is the best way of keeping you safe but then I'd be a hypocrite. There was one time that I lied and appeared to comply although I had a concrete plan but no way was I going IP.

Best wishes and good luck with your appointments. I'm here if you need to talk. In the end you're important and you have a husband that supports and loves you.