What pressure? Pressure to actually be a real friend? The pressure of my love for her as the best friend I thought her to be? The pressure of expecting such a friend to just not abandon me like that? Or if I have a friend, because I have these emotional issues, I should refrain from showing any kind of need, fears and require no support whatsoever so as not to be a burden and a bother?

It feels to me you are going to some lengths to excuse her behavior and take her side and just make me guilty at all cost. Yes, I have abandonment issues and I am a sad, lonely person who needs friends to also provide a bit of comfort and support and I have some anxiety. But with all my issues and fears of getting close to people, I am not the one who did what she did, I am not the one who purposefully chose to take the most painful route without even having the courage to wait for me to be online and tell me to my face why she is doing this or at least try to explain the gesture in a less ambiguous, less hurtful way if she means to get back.

What this is really telling me is I can't have any friends, actual, true friends, because that implies connection and mutual support and apparently since I have needs and problems I can only upset and bother people who are then entitled to leave me. It's fine, I learned my lesson, I will never again attempt an actual friendship.

I don't think I can put into words how badly what my friend is doing hurts me and no, it wasn't actually warranted. It's been almost 2 weeks and I am losing all hope and just thinking she is now free to have fun and live her life without me in it, probably not caring anymore when just last month she was saying she thinks of me a lot.

I already said what contact we had. Due to the considerable time difference, most days it was just messaging and depending on time and so on, a day or two could pass without contact but usually not more Live chatting for a bit whenever we happened to both be online at the same time. I don't see something outrageous about that, I have that sort of contact even with a buddy here in my city, who I can't even share things with and who I hang out with every week. Hell, there's a couple of random people on tumblr who I message back and forth with there virtually everyday about nothing important.

And again, had she just taken 5-10 extra minutes to just be clearer about what she wants now, because after all I can't read minds, I would have left her as alone as she wanted. She really just had to be clear about it and that she is not actually abandoning anything. She wouldn't have had to block me or anything. But maybe this is what she wanted to do, find a good excuse to leave, that would help her justify it to herself and justify the pain and damage she knew it would cause. I really would like to be able to ask her if she no longer cares and if she ever cared as much as she said she did. It breaks me to think she no longer thinks of me, that she doesn't care. She used to be interested in knowing about my day and if I was ok and now she did that hurtful thing but didn't check up on me in any way. She could have at least liked some Facebook post of mine or left me a comment, anything. She left me to suffer at least as much as she does and I will be understanding if she returns but I don't see how she could still be thinking about me..