I'm sorry.
It sounds like you were in a major dissociation event (or derealization or depersonalization). It sounds scary.
Do you have techniques you use to try to pull yourself out of them? I pull out of mine automatically, or when someone starts talking to me. At least so far anyway.
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"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)
"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
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