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Old Apr 09, 2017, 09:18 AM
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Naynay99 Naynay99 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 651
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsaMars View Post
I'm really sorry to hear of your liver/transplant issue. That is really sad to get saddled with physical issues and mental as a result of the meds that make you "better". (((Hugs)))
Hey- thanks. Somehow i missed ur other reply until now.
Anyway I know you have had to deal with some health stuff too. And stuff with your son. It really sucks and feels sort of like being dealt a double bad hand. By the way, I'm glad u are sounding more like yourself.

But then when I get frustrated and upset about it, I feel guilty. What kind of person is lucky enough to get a kidney transplant and then complains about the side effects of their medication??!! It makes it sound like I don't appreciate the gift some stranger gave me after they died. I do.
But this mood shiit feels like it is getting worse, Not better.

There was a long period of time I was stable and the meds were working and I felt almost normal. It sort of feels like maybe I made all of that up now...
Anyway, I'm not looking for anything here really. I know that nobody is in quite the same situation as me which just makes me feel more alone. But i do appreciate the hugs and a place to rant about it. I hope maybe writing this down for myself will help get some of my angst out.

Because truth be told I am sort of terrified that one of these days I am going to actually follow through on my sui thoughts. I always write a reminder to myself in every new journal "no matter how bad it gets, don't kill yourself", even when I am feeling fine. Bc I know it is not out of the realm of possibility...