I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. Sometimes when depression gets really bad, all the self-help activities in the world won't be enough unfortunately.

A med change may be in order. Sometimes a medication will work great for a long time but eventually it doesn't do the trick. Can you talk to your doctor about possibly changing things up?

As for ECT, I've had it before. It worked better than any anti-depressant I've been on, and helped pull me out of my worst depression ever. If it weren't for the memory side effects, I would probably be having maintenance treatments to this day. That being said, memory side effects are absolutely worth it if it means being dragged out of your depression. It can be a scary procedure but it is safe and it does work. I would definitely consider it if medications don't work out for you. If you do decide to get ECT, be sure to write down any important information you'd like to remember, such as passwords and all that fun stuff.

I hope that, whatever you decide, you find something that works for you and improves your mood. You are right, being depressed is no way to live.