Thanks for your interest, SnowQueen. The basic ideas are in this section of the Wikipedia article on Self Psychology:
Quote:
THE TRIPOLAR SELF
The tripolar self is not associated with bipolar disorder, but is the sum of the three "poles" of the body
"grandiose-exhibitionistic needs"
"the need for an omnipotent idealized figure"
"alter-ego needs"
. . .
[S]elf psychologists 'divide the selfobject transference into three groups: (1) those in which the damaged pole of ambitions attempts to elicit the confirming-approving response of the selfobject (mirror transference); (2) those in which the damaged pole of ideals searches for a selfobject that will accept its idealisation (idealising transference); and those in which the damaged intermediate area of talents and skills seeks ... alter ego transference.'
The tripolar self forms as a result of the needs of an individual binding with the interactions of other significant persons within the life of that individual.
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There are some good blog posts by a psychiatrist Dr. Sanity that explain Kohut's ideas about the 1st 2 groups, the grandiose self and the idealisized object. Here's a link to the 1st of 3:
Dr. Sanity: NARCISSISM AND SOCIETY: Part I - The Psychology of the Self
Once I got a "feel" for how those 1st two worked in myself -- I can feel my grandiosity and my tendency to idealize things -- principles, causes, etc. I could then also feel how they kind of function in my sense of who I was. Dr. Sanity doesn't discuss the alter ego function, but to me it's like there's the grandiose me, then the idealized other, then the alter ego comes into play when kids are working alongside parents or grandparents or other adults. It feels to me that it's like a bridge from all-about-me and the idealized other out into the community at large, of which one (hopefully) is and can be a part.
Neither Kohut nor Dr. Sanity discuss adolescence and peer relationships, but to me there was an adjustment that started to happen but got shut down when my aunt's husband made an inappropriate advance when I was 13. It was relatively "mild" and I ran off and he didn't follow, but it was traumatic because later I shut down the feelings involved, and what might have been the beginnings of an adult ego, certainly a form of "adult" excitement. So when I remembered some about that experience in trauma therapy an idea/feeling came up of what I HADN'T allowed myself to develop at the time and I have had a little progress trying to do some of that now (VERY LATE in life, but still. . .)
The key is a sense of self IN COMMUNITY. That's how primates and people evolved and that's what's wired in, for when families and communities are healthy. Lots of stress on that in current civilization but it's all still there in most of us. At least that's what I think. Don't know if it will work for you, maybe it will help.