Hi everyone,

I am new to these forums after searching for a place where I could talk about what a nightmare the last 18 months have been for me.

To cut a very very very long story short, I am a mum of two girls, aged 7 and 9. Just over a year ago I separated from their father, whom I was with for 11 years (married for 7), or a third of my life. We were each others first serious relationships and we had a really good relationship....or so I thought.
About 3 years ago, things were not going so well in our marriage. He lacks emotion and is not at all thoughtful, romantic, passionate, warm... Keeps his feelings bottled up. Our roles in the relationship really changed after I had our first daughter. Things felt unequal, and I was expected to be doing everything around the house, working part time and raising kids. Resentment began to build. I also could no longer fight back my desires to be with women. I have always known I was same sex attracted but never acted on it for a multitude of reasons. So I openly told him how I felt and we agreed that I could casually date women with the exception that it does not turn into a relationship. Well of course, that's exactly what happened. I was on and off with several women over the course of 2 years. Often I would ask him if he was still ok with it all and he would say yes. Then I got involved with someone whom I was very flipped over. But I was a real mess and she ended up breaking things off with me, and needless to say I fell apart. That's when he and I both realised that this marriage was over. So we separated. In this time I have slept with quite a number of women and am currently seeing a woman whom I really love and have been with for 8 months now. The issue is, he has met someone recently and has started spending time with her, her kids and our kids. Irrationally and hypocritically I am gutted. I can't understand why I feel this way. But all I feel is a huge loss and I grieve everyday for the failing of our marriage, even though I am to blame a lot for what has happened.

I guesss I just can't understand m,y emotions and why I feel this way. I know that I love being with women and I consider myself a lesbian. I just want my ex to be happy. But I am having huge issues accepting that he is finally moving on. What on earth is wrong with me?

I feel so lost and alone, even though I have someone else who is madly in love with me and treats me like a princess. She fulfils everything that I was always missing from my marriage. But yet.....
I have been seeing psychologists since last year and I am on antidepressants. My depression was so bad last year and I fell into a huge hole. I just want to know how I can move forward and be happy for him. He deserves it as do I.
I have also had to deal with my somewhat homophobic parents and their negativity and it is really taking its toll o me, but that's an entirely separate issue.

Thank you if you have managed to get through this enormous post. I'm not sure what I'm looking for on here, I guess maybe if people have had similar experiences with separation of long term relationships/. How have you handled it and how do you move on?

Thank you

Catgirl