TRIGGER!!!!!

Today I totally lost it at nurse. I was supposedly on close observations and managed to run away from the unit. About 20mins later I returned as I couldn't kill myself the day before my 11 year old nephew's Bday. Upon returning the nurse was very blasé about it all and said, 'you have felt like this since you got here', like it was no big deal. Annoying thing is that I have been manic half the time anyway.

I snapped and almost ran out of there and ended it all. This nurse said I didn't need to be on close observations, then said I needed to be locked up. The trigger for me to run away was the fact that none of the nurses realised I was on close observations so I felt so unsafe and uncared for. I mean if they think I am a danger to myself shouldn't they be watching me. Instead I was easily able to run. It just pissed me off. So I am very impulsive too. Bad combination.

Starting fluoxetine seems to have turned me into a bit of a drama queen, irritable and out of control. I was yelling at the nurse. Thankfully my pdoc came in and helped calm me down. He is reducing the fluoxetine, stopping the Valproate and increasing Clonazepam which I am happy with. Hopefully this is just a bad reaction to the AD. I have been wild, irritable and bordering on out of control all day. I am scared I will act I have so little control over my actions right now. I still have plans and plots and want to run. I am so, so close to being in a locked ward. One more freak-out and off i will be sent.