I'm sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is not to be there. My dad passed away and I couldn't be there because my flight was cancelled because a huge storm settled on the east coast and everything going through Atlanta was at a standstill, there was no way to get through to get to FL. I was heartbroken. I'm the oldest child so I can identify with you, there, too. I was the only one of my siblings not to make it. I felt awful and I was the closest with my Dad. I was so angry with myself. I felt like a jerk.

Treat yourself gently and try to give yourself a break because it's not your fault that you can't be there. I know it hurts and that's going to take time. Give yourself that time without feeling guilty. Your family is thinking of you, just as you are thinking of them. Take care of yourself. I'm so sorry about your grandparent.