Today I got very tired but also mixed in with the tiredness is a feeling of restlessness and agitations,it is so painful that combination,and I feel very unsettled and it is affecting me emotionally.I want to cry but can't.I want to go out tomorrow but can't and I need rest but I can't settle.Thankfully I have the TV on and am focusing on that.

It is very lonely without my mum to ring and chat with but as she was an abusive narcissist to me most of the time I am much better off in the long term by not speaking to her.I keep reminding myself how she never fails to emotionally abuse me and so I must keep her at a distance at the least and ideally keep her out of my life.It is two weeks no contact tomorrow.The last episode of emotional abuse off her was very painful and traumatising and sent me into deep shock and ignited my PTSD symptoms.I never want that to happen again so must stay safe and that means staying away from my two narc relatives always.

So I am trying to cope with all this alone,any support you guys can give is very welcome!