I have this issue. I didn't even realize it until I started discussing EMDR with my T. He has not been pushing for EMDR because he wants to make sure I'm stable and have communication and cooperation between the parts, but we just started talking about it a little bit. And he talked about how I'd need to stay within a window of activation, and how we'd start off with me in a "safe" place, and that's when things deteriorated, because I realized that I simply don't have one.

We talked about it quite a bit, but everything he suggested that others have used was triggering for me. We literally could not find a safe place. So then he said it doesn't have to be a place, it can be a "state of being," only I couldn't find one of those either-- couldn't remember ever feeling entirely safe and if I had, I certainly couldn't recapture that feeling.

So we abandoned the idea of EMDR for now, and we've continued to do hard work around helping me feel safe, strengthening the relationship, etc. I will say that just in the past couple of weeks I've had a few glimmers of feeling really safe with him. It's a pretty painful feeling because it just highlights how I don't feel that way the rest of the time. But it is giving me hope that I may find that safe place, or sense of safety, in the room and in the relationship with him, at least enough to use as a starting place.

It's not a good feeling to realize you don't have a sense of safety, but I think it is something that can potentially be cultivated. At least I hope so.