I need someone to hear me. Just once in my life. I need someone to listen to what I have to say, appreciate what it means to me and understand.

If I say I feel low and need some help please believe that. Don't just look at what I show to the outside world. I can go to work yes, but that is pretty much all I'm managing right now. Yes I might smile, maybe even laugh, but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about killing myself.

I feel like my whole life I have just gone unheard. I pleaded with my mum to change schools because I had no friends, she told me to just wait it out. When I first realised I wasn't ok, and that thinking of suicide on a daily basis wasn't a normal thing to do I tried to tell my mum then. She dismissed it as a phase every teen goes through and bought me some new clothes as if to cure me.

And then there have been all the times I just said something in a conversation and no one responded, even acknowledged I had opened my mouth.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm invisible.

So I have learnt to just keep it all to myself. It can't be real after all. Surely if it was someone would listen, someone would care. Someone would just believe me.

Sometimes though I fight everything that tells me it's not worth it and I try to reach out to someone in the hope they might just help me. But no one ever hears me.

How do I make myself heard? Killing myself would make it pretty ****ing obvious. Defeats the object of trying to get help though. Honestly though I'm not sure I care anymore. No one has heard me so far, why should I expect that to change after so long?