•I know masturbation is fine and I don’t have feelings of shame: but id rather access it from a place of peace and not in the context of overanalysing things and worrying which is why when I am living in a better emotional state I seriously (hard to believe for some) have zero desire to masturbate and wont be doing so again.

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you sound very young ? ... you sound very confused about your sexuality ... you sound very tormented over masturbation ... fantasy is just that ... fantasy ... it is used to allow your inner self to explore in a safe way ... masturbation is a natural action just like any other ... "overanalysing", is usually a telltale sign of deep religious convictions ... which may not even be in your awareness ... many people go thru a phase like this ... IMO it all boils down to what you really want for your life ... I assume you are an adult so the decision of how you live your life is truley your decision ... the tough part for some is trying to figure out what they really want ... some of us have always done what another told us we should ... but being an adult is making those decisions for ourselves ... only you can tell you what that should be .... please keep posting as you work this out for yourself ... I believe there are people here that can help you ...

ps: I am old ... and have old timey opinions ... take it with a grain of salt ... Love . Tigger ..