Thanks for all the comments about being told to "shut up." It did come up in the midst of a difficult, emotional session (currently writing it up for "Today In Session"), and H apologized for it and said he shouldn't have done it. I thanked him for his apology. And said it wasn't OK for him to say that to me. Though he explained what led him to get so frustrated that he said it (me trying to shout things up to him on another floor when there's a bunch of background noise, so he can't really hear me), so I'll try to avoid that in the future. On the plus side, MC did not stick up for him or say he'd done it plenty of times himself. (But I was already super-emotional, so I'm pretty sure MC would have stayed away from that even if he did think "shut up" isn't that awful.)