I guess I'm a bit everywhere. I have made a few impulsive decisions, such as cut off most of my hair (no big deal) a few new tattoos (again no big deal) and quit all my jobs, except babysitting. I guess that was inevitable and I had reasons but it was impulsive and I was not prepared at all. I had a back up plan for when I finally decided to do it (which I did not expect to ever happen) but I was not ready to set it into place). So I guess this month has been adventurous.

I had a couple good days and then I lost my brand new glasses and that set me back 300 steps where I went into meltdown and stress and anger and hate and then numbness. After that my baseline has been there....with the F**K you attitude and I feel pretty good about it.

I also had another military weekend. My last one I was extremely emotional and could barely stop crying and got told I cant let my soldiers see me like that, well this time I ate anxiety medication like candy to keep my heart rate in the lower 100's and told everyone to F**K off....literally. I guess I did a complete turn around.

I feel on a high right now, like nothing can bother me with this attitude. I sleep when I need to, I don't talk to anyone, I am attempting to get a job working for the post office so I don't have to deal with people and I think this is the cleanest my car and apartment have ever been.

If only I could get my heart rate down and stop impulsive eating.