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I'm sorry that you are carrying this guilt around about this. None of us can tell the future, and as police officers, I'm sure that you are trained to use the least possible force to subdue someone. You did your job and did what you had to at the time.
Be kind to yourself. Don't blame yourself for what happened later. He's the one that did it, not you. Hugs to you.
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"Do you know what’s really scary? You want to forget something. Totally wipe it off your mind. But you never can. It can’t go away, you see. And… and it follows you around like a ghost."
~ A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon) (2003)
"I feel like an outsider, and I always will feel like one. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t a member of any particular group."
~ Anne Rice
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