I give up.

I've been taken off Fluoxedine as it was doing nothing for me aside from making me feel nauseous.
I've been put on Mirtazapine as it should apparently help with my completely screwed sleep.

I don't even want to take it.

I don't want to be like this

I don't want to feel what i'm feeling.

Every single day I wake up and It feels as though I've been in chains all night. I feel heavy. I feel lost. I javen't showered in days and I've barely eaten anything.

I should go to hospital, or so i've been told. But they all keep trying to poison me. It's in the water, even the bottles.

I can't keep doing this. I can#t keep "living" this way. Every single day is such a struggle to do anything. Even logging into PC is difficult.
I want to change. I wan't to get better. I don't want to feel like i'm being torn apart from the inside and be in so much pain. I don't know how though

I'm o nthe waiting loist for a therapist. Who knows how long it'll be. I might call and cancel as I can't see the point of it anyway.