I like your idea about being creative in your thinking and bringing it up to your therapist early on. I've tried but can't do stuff like that with him as they are all treated like transference wishes or manipulation. (This i just decided to accept after all) I think it's a good idea overall though.

I don't know what happened, still trying to figure it out. It's not that he is fallible. My last T certainly had more flaws, though different (ie was really bad with boundaries but wasn't defensive at all) but the relationship was good. I really don't have too many expectations, he as well as my former t were the first therapist's I saw-I felt no need to shop around as at the time, there were only a few requirements I had. It could be that the mistakes have had adverse impacts, maybe that is it-I definitely don't feel all parts of me are accepted. That's not seeking perfection though, at least not for me. If it is for you, give yourself a break there. Being accepted doesn't seem to be asking for too much.

Your post made me think-if he doesn't accept all parts of me, I can't either. I look at him as a mentor, father figure, attachment, so what he says and does is more impactful than anyone else. It *shouldn't* be this way (he explained this by telling me he only personally saw his therapist as a therapist) but it is. I have accepted he won't be more to me, but we are only talking about spoken words here. Nothing else.

There's always this lingering hope that things can be repaired. Like now. Then something happens-like he just gave away my session time to someone else when we were temporarily doign a new schedule from our regular time due to another health treatment that was 5 days a week for a few weeks. I dont' understand why he did that. Last time he wanted to change my session time, he asked me if it was ok. It's just really hurtful. It hurts so bad that he would do that. My session was early evening, now it's earlier in the day and is hard with my job. I'm not sure I can even do this time. In addition to hurtful, it felt really devaluing.