Money can't buy love and happiness but if we don't have enough to survive--ie eat nutritionally, have shelter, go to the doctor, dentist, etc. our lives will be terrible--it is a very real factor for both you, me and our spouses--if we left them--they would be financially less well off as well. Even if you are not working--what you do has financial value. Raising children, cooking, cleaning, laundrey--all these things are not cheap when you hire someone to do them.

When we feel like a cowards isn't that the most damaging thing of all to our self worth? It is for me. If not leaving is what is making you feel like a coward--do something everyday toward that goal--look for work, save money, improve your credit, etc. If you cannot afford to leave but are really taking concrete steps toward eventually doing what makes you feel uncowardly, I think this will help you.

I have had one major attempt (put me in ICU)--I am so sorry you have been driven to three. I have made a promise to myself that the next time I feel suicidal I will channel these feelings into running away instead of hurting myself. While I don't currently want to divorce (but sometimes do)--I feel like I at least have the means (I sometimes work part time) to do this if I get that way again. My H says he will follow me but maybe it is my hope that putting my energy into something besides suicide (thankfully, I am doing well now) will give me an outlet. I really hope you don't attempt again. Your kids need you, parents, siblings, and even your H may love you more than you think. Patagonia--your thread says "you stay for the kids"--I never want to put my kids through what I did when I attempted again. If you have any other suicidal thoughts you may want to go back to therapy or consider medications again. I still take one medication for my depression. Please stay self aware enough to take steps to ensure you do not attempt again. Many people need you!!! What you do matters. Much of our happiness comes from our own actions, not others. Do something to make yourself happy everyday. Don't worry about what your H thinks. Decide what you want (that is realistic) and do something small towards that goal. Find things in your life that you are grateful for. You have friends at PC. No one is just a mom. Even when a mom is in her 80s--we can make things either better for our children. My mother-in-law is a good example of this.