I'm sorry things are not going well with your marriage, 26west. Do you have a therapist? If not, I would recommend going to a family therapist with your husband to try to work on some of the problems that are occurring right now. If your husband won't go to the family therapist with you, it is worthwhile to go on your own. Many family and marriage therapists work with only one half of the couple. You need support and help figuring things out. And to work on your depression also. If you and your husband get couples counseling, you can work on things like communication, the control issue, how what he does makes you feel dumb, etc.

In addition, I would recommend becoming as knowledgable about your family finances as possible. Even if you don't control them, you can still be knowledgable about them. Know all your assets, accounts, mortgage, retirement investments, etc. Know where all your financial statements are stored in your house. Read and understand each statement as it arrives in the mail. Perhaps even keep duplicate copies for yourself in a safe place.

Best of luck.