I don't have black and white feelings, either.

I am hateful of this nasty, narcissistic, abusive witch. But I can recall all the nice things she ever said to me and did for me. I can recall all the good times and the genuine love i have felt for my mother.

Do I have BPD, if I am not saying she is all bad or all good?

It's that the bad has far outweighed the good. What she did to me was unacceptable. I am not going to accept it and move on.

Therefore, we are finished. I certainly tried to open up dialogue with her. I would have apologized if I were wrong and had intentionally done something to hurt her. But I didn't do anything to her except insist she respect me.

She's such a lying, manipulative POS!!!

It hurts so much to hate my own mother. It's like hating myself. Will I turn into her? I'm terrified of that.

So, I am taking deep breaths, taking care of my life and my family, and just backing away. No more fighting. If any of her flying monkeys call me to do something for her I'll simply say 'no'.

I don't care that they think lowly of me over this. Surely, they don't understand my POV. Who knows what lies she tells them about me.