Although my therapist is very sincere in wanting to help me heal, and is very hard working and willing to increase her knowledge and skills in order to help me, I sometimes feel that she just isn't as insightful and attuned to my needs as I expect her to be after many years of therapy.

I really believe that I'm more intuitive than she is, and I also have a knack for picking up on other people's emotions. Both of these things have caused problems in my therapy. Even without trying, I pick up on how my t is feeling. If I disclose something, or ask for something, or do something that causes her to feel uncomfortable or reluctant, I can sense it without her expressing it outwardly. It then affects how I feel about her and my therapy. It affects how safe I feel in the relationship to trust her with my feelings and needs.

For example, let's say we work through something deeply painful issues in my therapy session - or I have shown great courage in disclosing something difficult to her - I often feel very vulnerable and anxious afterwards. These feelings can be very distressing, almost a panic at times because it is so hard for me to share, and afterwards, I fear that something bad will happen as a result. So at these more vulnerable times, my t knows that I will probably email her more than usual and need her to respond.

Usually, my t is good about responding to my email messages. But occasionally, she fails to respond at all. Strangely, it seems to happen at the times when I actually need her support and responsiveness the most! This has caused a lot of hurt feelings and challenges to our relationship. At those times, as odd as it sounds, I seem to be able to "feel" her reluctance and holding back, although I don't know what she is thinking or why she is holding back. I have also felt her reluctance at times when I've wanted her to provide some kind of physical comfort, such as a hug.

Whenever I need a little extra reassurance, comfort, or contact from her and she drops the ball, I can feel her hesitation or reluctance, and I end up responding by stepping back myself in order not to get hurt anymore. It usually leads to a few weeks where I am especially wary and cautious not to be needy or overstep boundaries. After a bit, my t will start encouraging me to reach out via email if I need to communicate something or need support. So I will start doing that. At first, she is responsive and things are fine. But after about 4-6 weeks, she starts dropping the ball again, by not responding to an email message that I send at a critical time in my therapy. She says it is not intentional, but it keeps happening. So again we talk it over, again she reassures me she wants to be there for me, and after stalling for awhile out of fear, I'll start using email when I need to say something or need some kind of reply. Again, she is responsive at first, but slowly, the same thing happens.

I don't know what to do about it! It hurts really bad whenever it happens. I've tried not to email at all, but it feels painful and only serves to make it harder for us to connect at the session if we haven't had any contact in between.

I have major issues with needing my mom at critical times when I was a kid, and my t knows this. My t has wanted to give me a different experience than I had with my mom. But it always feels to me like she is caring and responsive and wanting to help me, just long enough for me to really trust and start reaching out...and then I feel ignored. It always leads to me feeling ashamed and guilty for needing more than I should. It makes it hard for me to go back and see her. It brings out the "I need to be tough and cope with everything on my own" so I am not a burden and overly dependent on my t. She keeps saying I don't have to do it alone, that we can do it together. But then she leaves me feeling alone.

Despite all of the great progress I've made and everything I've learned, this is by far the most difficult thing about therapy for me. Each time this happens, I get the feeling that I'm back at home with my mom as a child, needing her presence, her reassurance and protection, to not be alone and scared...but she can't be bothered or doesn't even notice.