Just want to add something else. Every time it happens, my t says it was not intentional, just an oversight. Or she will say that she didn't reply because I didn't specifically say I needed her to. But she knows me so well by now. There's no way she could not know by now when I need her to reply to a message, not after this many years working together - and not after us already having had issues about this very thing. That is what makes me feel like there is an underlying issue. My t may not feel she is intentionally pulling back, but I think she is. Despite encouraging me to reach out, I think she is reluctant to provide as much contact and support as I need, and I can "feel" it and "sense" it.

It just happened again last weekend. So yesterday, I sent her an email and told her that I think she has an issue with not wanting to give me the support I need. I know she will deny it, like she always does. She'll say it was unclear to her if I needed her to reply.

Yesterday, I told her that I don't understand why we keep having this problem/misunderstanding about email. I said most people in the world communicate all the time by email and text and they don't have this problem. I asked her ... When other people email you, is it really hard to figure out whether to reply to them or not?" I meant it as a rhetorical question, but I would guess the answer is NO. I believe this is an issue she has that is specific to our relationship. For some reason, despite what she says, I think she has some issue with providing me the contact/connection I need when things get too painful and scary in therapy.

I have canceled my session for tomorrow because I'm in that "pull back" mode again. I just have to find a way to NOT NEED the kind of support from her that she can't give me. She doesn't want me to feel like I need to do it alone, but she keeps showing me otherwise.