Ever try looking for a mother figure but then still not find what you are looking for?

there are some people and some situations where it it impossible to find that mother figure. the person doesnt want or cant ask their friends and family to age play a mother daughter relationship and they dont or cant get their needs met through the internet and therapy just isnt helping. what next?

I have found it helpful in this situation to look with in my own defining of what mothering is and look towards being my own mother.

what is a mother ... a person who ....

gives unconditional love
looks out for someones best interest
good listening skills
invokes a feeling of calmness
takes care of the basic survival needs of food clothing shelter.
helps a person to feel a sense of value, worth,...

wow thats quite a list to live up to right? well lets think about this for a moment....

When I wake up in the morning do I wake up in a place that I call home? yes I have met my own shelter needs.

Do I have clothing to wear? yes I have met my own clothing needs.

Do I have food to eat (whether or not I choose to cook or eat it doesnt matter for mothering, its about supplying the basic needs) yes I have met my own shelter needs.

Do I listen to myself? yes I do listen when my normal internal voice says things like I need to go shopping, I'm hungry, I like this, oh shoot I shouldnt have done that.... not to mention before I was integrated I listened and heard the voices in my head talking to each other and to me. Yes I have have good listening skills and use them to know what I need to do.

when triggered do I use tools to help invoke a sense of calm in me? yes I use breathing, yoga, recognizing what is causing me to be triggered, taking care of what is causing me to be triggered, I row my boat on the lake and smell apples and cinnamon to help calm me, I have many ways that I recognize when I am triggered and need to calm down. I use many ways to invoke calmness in me.

Do I feel a sense of love, self esteem and self worth in me.... Yes I do many things for myself that shows I love and care about myself and feel I am worth it. I have a job that gives me financial stability so I can supply myself with things that I love, when I look in the mirror I can find at least one or two things about myself that I love, (no one is perfect so I do not look at my body for the perfect body image) I have a place in my family as a mother wife, woman....for which I feel I have my own sense of worth and self esteem. I am in many internet groups where I feel it is worth my time and efforts to help others and gather help for myself when in need (other wise I would not be in those groups)

I show myself love, self esteem and self worth also by doing things I love to do....like talking walks, eating right, getting enough sleep, reading, writing, arts and crafts, sitting down with a coloring book and crayons both with my children and on my own, listening to music that I enjoy, traveling in the summer with my family, taking my family on special trips to see santa claus at christmas, decorating my home for the holidays and special occasions, celebrating birthdays, promotions and other special days, going to a broadway show, taking myself and my family out to dinner......

yes providing myself with love, self esteem and self worth is something I do every day of my life from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed (if I didnt I wouldnt be well fed, well clothed, happy being a wife, mother and lesbian, treatment provider, and to top it off if I didnt supply myself with these things I would not be on the internet posting helping others and gathering help for myself. where would I be? dead or in a vegetative state in some long term care facility. people who do not provide their self with love, self esteem and self worth dont struggle to survive. its normal to ...feel .... like you dont have those things but the human being species can not survive with out having the will to survive and that will to survive is a persons sense of love, self esteem and self worth.

my point.... when I am struggling to find that mother figure and my wife, friends and family cant supply it, or what htey are doing hasnt filled that need in me, I look to me to mother myself. I check to see whether there is something that I should be doing for myself that I havent been doing lately. usually it comes down to I havent been eating correctly for me or not getting enough sleep or using my self nurturing tools.