Trigger Warning: Mentions of sex

The first time I had consensual sex with someone, one of my alters was vocal in a panicked way - it freaked me out as well as the person who I was with. This was long before my diagnosis of DID. I have a lot of shame associated with that, how he thought I was crazy, and refused to see me again.

Fast forward 20+ years, and this still happens when I orgasm 9 times out of 10. This alter is very young, and cries out for her daddy to stop hurting her. I have zero control of what comes out of my mouth when I orgasm. I've tried reassuring myself that we're safe, but it still happens. I've been too afraid to 'let go' and enjoy intimate times with partners in the past, and when I'm having sex by myself, I'm afraid of what will happen. It is extremely distressing to me to hear that little voice who's always afraid. I always end up in tears. It doesn't matter how good the sex has been either. I feel just hopeless with it all. I don't know if anyone else has had a similar experience, but any tips on how to help would be appreciated.