Brown Owl,

Just thinking back how both of us had severe maternal neglect, and how that might complicate therapy because of the distancein the relationship. My therapist is really neutral, and in all regards, i dont want someone enmeshed with me. But I think its hard to manage that kind of boundary.

Missing out on core infant needs is so impactful. I always felt the neglect was 1000 times worse than the abuse that i went through, though i dont remember it all according to a sibling.

BudFox, that comes from my childhood need since my father neglected me, we had no relationship until sexual abuse. He never even took me to a store before. I always felt like an alien. When i went to friends houses and their fathers talked to us or made breakfast, i would freeze up and not know how to interact. My father did have rages, and when i used to remember my dreams, i had a nightmare of him as a monster chasing me. It was a mechanical lion with a deafening roar.

I think the needs decrease after working through the transference. This part of it feels very paternal; problem with me is that i have the more intense maternal transference stuff going on at the same time. Hopefully someday, ill transfer it to a relationship outside of therapy, as i dont think it will disappear. Problem with thatis ive been closing myself off to relationships after what happened last time i was in one.