Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
Just want to add something else. Every time it happens, my t says it was not intentional, just an oversight. Or she will say that she didn't reply because I didn't specifically say I needed her to.
It just happened again last weekend. So yesterday, I sent her an email and told her that I think she has an issue with not wanting to give me the support I need. I know she will deny it, like she always does. She'll say it was unclear to her if I needed her to reply.
Yesterday, I told her that I don't understand why we keep having this problem/misunderstanding about email. I said most people in the world communicate all the time by email and text and they don't have this problem. I asked her ... When other people email you, is it really hard to figure out whether to reply to them or not?" I meant it as a rhetorical question, but I would guess the answer is NO. I believe this is an issue she has that is specific to our relationship. For some reason, despite what she says, I think she has some issue with providing me the contact/connection I need when things get too painful and scary in therapy.
I have canceled my session for tomorrow because I'm in that "pull back" mode again. I just have to find a way to NOT NEED the kind of support from her that she can't give me. She doesn't want me to feel like I need to do it alone, but she keeps showing me otherwise.
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Whether it is intentional or not, it sounds like it hurts you and/or causes anxiety, etc. Have you talked with her about that? Yes, her awareness of things, including her intentions, may be all the direct information she has. That's what's in HER boundary. But your needs and feelings are in your boundary, and maybe one of the things she may expect from you is that you tell her those things. I think that's how some people are -- not me. And if they are like that they don't really understand that other people are different. How could they since they don't have the same experience? Still, if the effect of her behavior, intentional or not, is hurting you, then you need to do what you need to do to take care of you. That's something I have learned, finally, I hope.
By the way, I find PC a much more reliable source of support, even though the "relationships" aren't IRL.