I should write out a list. I must still be scheduled. I called to get my next apppoimtment and she said to call back tomorrow because their computer crashed so my appointment doesn't sound canceled or she probably would have told me.

I did apologize to T for my rough months. These are the last things I sent;

I wanted to say thank you for the past couple of months for being there for me and for being patient during my distressing days. I'm so sorry for putting you through that turmoil. I'm grateful to you that you've been there. I appreciate you and think you're a wonderful therapist. :-)
I want to live. I will be strong.

As time passed, I learned that this world of Maybe created hope because it allowed me to see the infinite ways that every situation could unfold. I realized that things might not always go as planned, but that in the next moment things would change and Maybe for the better. I had been so busy in my life worrying that the horse could run away that it never occurred to me that he could also come back.