I'm just going to write here, I don't care. I need to. Even when I feel guilty to do this. Or just completely inept and whatever.
I basically forgot again what I was thinking a second ago. Anyway.

Yeah, so I wanted to say that I discovered that this aloneness has always been here, outside and inside me, and I've always been running from it, even now, but now I can see it and it's suffocating and it's unavoidable and there is basically no escape from it.

Why am I always censoring myself. Just deleted two lines. Because I think I'm selfish, that I'm not good enough, what I write is selfish and hurts people.
If I am myself that hurts people, so I need to be someone else.
I used to work so much to love myself. And I have. But something came up, I felt I'm bad if I do that, if I live based on that.

Words are torturing me and helping me in the same time. Words are hiding me and lying to me. Words are me because I'm lost.