Thank you for your responses. I think I have a lot of problems with my thought processes relating to self-esteem because if I start to think maybe I should try to feel okay about myself, there's an overpowering part of me tells me I can't and that I'd be lying to myself if I did. It's like self-hate has become my identity and I'm almost nervous at the thought of letting it go, even though it destroys me so much.