It was very hard for me at 19 being at college too. I don't know that you have to necessarily do counseling but you should probably go to your family doc and get a physical, blood test, the whole thing. There might be some physical reasons you're feeling so depressed and run-down. I know I wasn't eating right, etc. often.

I went to my college counseling center and it was all right; not great, didn't solve any problems but got me "use to" talking to someone and was a support of sorts and something else to "think about".

Even if you don't become a cellist, other things could "happen" for you yet. You don't have any acquaintances from your classes, other people in any musical groups you could hang out with and get to know? I wanted to be a cello (not a cellist, the actual instrument :-) in Henry Mancini's orchestra back around when I was 19 but I never learned to play an instrument. I had musical "aptitude" and gave myself clarinet lessons when I was around 35 years old :-) but my teacher went away in the middle and I was too shy, since it was one-on-one and didn't work at it, practice, etc.

I don't know what I would tell my 19 year old self if I could be her again with what I know now? I was very sad, lonely, confused, shy and a general all around mess but now I've turned out wonderfully LOL. I guess I'd tell myself to do the best I could and that "everything will be all right". If I could have felt "safer" and that everything would come out all right (which is generally does) then I might have relaxed more and looked around me to see what I could see. But I was so intent on keeping my head down, and trying to please my stepmother instead of myself, and generally being afraid of my shadow. I'd work to make friends with myself and start enjoying myself, my sense of humor and good, common sense and judgement, wit and ability to write and my curiosity and imagination. There's lots of things at 19 that I didn't understand or see how they were of any use and I didn't give any credit to the whole "process" of growing up. I just "was" and it didn't add up to much yet but I didn't realize that was okay and because I hadn't finished my "warmup" and practicing my scales.

That's what I'd do, if I were 19 again; I'd start reading fiction; fantasy and teen fiction that appealed to me; Peter S. Beagle, Madelaine L'Engle, Elizabeth Goudge, Lloyd Alexander, etc.

I'd start with the trilogy I just finished, Garth Nix's The Abhorsen Trilogy. And I'll always remember the last words of advice my T gave me before we terminated; "just keep putting one foot in front of the other."