Today I am having mixed feelings again.The date of my next biopsy is July 17th 2017.
Tonight I had a feeling that I have cancer and that I am going to die of it,I think it is more a fear rather than intuition or premonition.I don't know that I care either way,or I do but have no more strength to fight rather.I don't know anyone else that cares either about me I mean so now I feel sorry for myself and that isn't allowed is it?Maybe I should stop sharing my fears cos no one can make it all ok can they no one is going to say,yes, it does matter that you might have cancer and die of it,it matters to me cos I love you and I don't want you to die I would move heaven and earth and do all in my power for you to live and not die cos you would be a massive loss to me and to the world and to the future of the earth etc But who am I kidding,just an ordinary isolated not consequential useless part of the furniture me,to be used abused and kicked about and unappreciated and replaced when squeaky and rotten.Arhh you don't half wallow in it,you wallow in it deep lass,the whole hog,up to your neck in wallowing!