Hello somerandomusername,

You are about the age I was when I began getting suicidal feelings. I am 42 now - I still have them at times, but now I have learned how to keep myself "relatively" safe even when I am feeling that way.

I am not a believer in suicide or suicidal feelings as being selfish, rather I see suicidal feelings as a result of the desperation left in one's psyche after a long search of ways to "be normal" or "fit in" or "be loved" or etc.. its just what comes from exhaustion of one's psyche. Suicide itself is the act of giving in to that exhaustion rather than continuing to try to "fix it" or to heal. Now - that said .. suicide should never be the choice opted for, strength and power should be the choice opted for - and no matter how low you feel, if you find it in you to keep fighting to stay alive ... you are growing yourself stronger and more powerful against whatever "demons" you may have. You are here now, writing this and any other post you may write because your psyche wishes to become stronger and more powerful.

I don't know your circumstances with those people in your life - parents, siblings, friends, teachers, boyfriends or girlfriends, guidance counselor, etc .. so I am not going to tell you anything regarding them as to what you should or should not do. I will tell you - you should not give up on yourself...and those people that you may have in your life that are trustworthy ... No matter how uncomfortable the conversation - you need to at least say 3 words "I need help" after that ... let it go where it may

Yes it will be hard. It's hard to admit or ask for help for anything. It was hard for me. I did it over and over for years though even though I had nobody in my life I could trust - just because I knew I needed help but beyond that I didn't know what to do. So I tried to talk to anyone I could. I know you can't talk to just anybody bc of your social anxiety and that's ok. Even if you cannot speak the words... Write them, and give the message to the person you trust. You can send it via email or text. You can write it on paper and place it somewhere the person will see it when they return. You can call the person if it is easier to talk without facing them. Many options ... but let someone know. Ok?

*hugs*