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im such a retard.. its true dont any one deny it... today my friend was online at the write time.. maybe wrong too.. who knows.. but i seriously wanted to leave the world behind... I know we arnt suppost the talk about the S word.. but i need to vent.. he calmed me down now.. but gosh i still have the thought... i will never act on it before the holidays... at work all my co workers where trying to cheer me up about working with the beach.. cause i was scaring my self to the point of panic... everytime i work with her i try to prove my self to her, but in the back of my mind with all the thoughts of what happiness would be or how to go deeper into my skin.. any way i litterally run my brain into a fritz... and they try to calm me down... one co worker who i am friends with and she worked with me today but not on the same hall... she asked me what is wrong... for the firsttime i told her i wanted to quit school and everything that goes on with it... she tells me not to i have one year left.. really one year of insults. i told her if i stay in school i will die LITERALLY.. yes i used the word literally... i told her i will beat my head up over and over as the school people beat my body up over and over... i will starve my self to match their perspective. i allready skip breakfast and lunch and barley eat supper.. but really me starving yeah thats like telling a cat to quit eating mice... it be like a withdrawl "OMGosh no mouse... I...Need...Mouse...oooh a stick...wait wait a mouse stick... mouse on a stick...mmmmmm...." yeah... well... being artsy and musical is not kewl igyuess.. and i turned into a retard cause i did not want one boy hovering over my art work.. i told him off nicley and then i told him to get out ... i got blamed... and he kept on teasing...... well that is the reason i want to drop out... and if i kept going i will literally go nuts... end up in special ed or something.... a retard... me... I know im rambling on... but the pain inside hurts so bad...
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"Through the rain lives a rainbow...you just need to find it."
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