Have you ever had the feeling that your whole world is spinning out of your hands and all you can do is watch as your life goes out of control?

Even more so when you know something is happening inside of you and even with medication you can't stop the grip it has on you and how it makes you behave or see the world or how it makes you live.

Now you would say I'm depressed, but actually I'm not, I'm just thinking a lot due to lack of sleep, and no one seems to understand me when I say 'the little people in my head won't shut up' now these 'little people' I know for a fact are just thoughts but they sound all different so I call them little people.

I'm actually scared of getting into a new relationship because of this *****, and I shouldn't even be thinking about relationships when my beautiful fiancé only died 130days ago, people would think that I never truly loved her if I had got with someone else.

Even taking Quetiapine isn't working for me, one week before spring started and I stop sleeping, go from depressed, brain goes into overdrive, I see and hear my fiancé and my purple dragon friend, feel like everyone is constantly looking at me like I'm crazy.

Why the hell does bipolar disorder exist? Why do we get this condition? Why does everyone feel the need to judge us by our mental health?

My family and friends have tried telling me alsorts of stuff recently, they claim to be worried and concerned, they claim I'm getting worse and not better, they claim that I'm not myself, they claim I need help. What do they know, I'm fine, I'm not ill, I'm not anything they said.

I am completely fine, and I don't need judgemental people in my life. So the little people won't shut up, so I'm not sleeping, so my mind is going into overdrive. What's the problem? I don't see one at all.