So I read this article

https://www.anxiety.org/ocd-fear-of-acting-out

It got me thinking about the methods I use to cope with my intrusive thoughts. Right now my main coping method is though stopping by snapping a rubber band around my wrist whenever the thoughts arise. Because I have a fear of "acting out" these thoughts I have gone to great lengths to make precautions. For example I use to be a gun enthusiast and I use to compete. Since the thoughts of taking my own life with a gun arose about a year ago. I have sold all my firearms, got rid of bb guns, and had my farther keep his guns under lock and key.

When I'm thinking logically I realize that I don't need a gun to take my life, but it's just something about them that brings up these thoughts. After reading this article I have thought about going shooting with my dad and just observing. I don't think I'll ever own a firearm again, but I want to conquer my trigger. I feel that if I do this I can lower the number of times my intrusive thoughts come around. Hopefully in the process I can gain some confidence again.