As pathetic as it is, I'm looking at it as an achievement. I finally, after almost four weeks, took a shower (I know, disgusting, right). My paranoia and depression has made it nearly impossible to even consider the idea for almost a month. When that water hit me, it felt so good I couldn't stop laughing, and I actually had a smile on my face. A smile! Damn, it's been a while since I could genuinely smile alone. I wasn't scared, I wasn't sad, only one isolated hallucination and I felt like me, again.
It didn't last long. A mere two-ish minutes, I think. Then I was back to being depressed and bashing myself for being so damn pathetic. The voice was back to berate me, even doing it right now. And it sucks. It really ****ing sucks. Two minutes of relief after a month of being too low to shower. Two minutes. But you know what; it was two minutes more than yesterday, or the day before that and so on. So suck that, MI!

It might be a small victory but damn it, it's mine, and it's something. A drop of water to a parched mouth. The drop was pure and replenished just a hair of vitality and a craving for more.