Thank you guys so much for caring. It's always nice to know that somebody is out there listening.

My two closest friends right now are both "recovered" from eating disorders, so they know the signs and we are always looking for them in each other to try and help. One did notice tonight after I posted that last reply. She said "you've lost weight haven't you" out of the blue. asked me what i ate. I said crackers and I thought she was going to hit me or something. Then I added that i had peanut butter with the crackers...and she said "well, okay. that's better at least."

I don't think it's bad right now. I have had bad bouts with anorexia before so I'm not sure right now if it's my misperception or what. I ate those crackers and peanut butter, some pretzels, AND an apple tonight...I mean...that's a lot...peanut butter is high in calories.

Depressme, what you got from my posts is entirely correct, and what you've recalled from my previous posts. Right now I think I am okay, I was just perplexed by that detail. (yes I am very fixated on the # on the scale. i know that's not good. but the number is still up). I know when I am at a dangerous point, when I'm "too skinny" and this becomes a real problem. Plus, now that my best friend knows...she will be watching. time for the daily "what did you eat today?" Don't get me wrong, I'm SO glad you guys all care. I am just used to the routine of people watching me. It keeps me in line though, without people watching and caring I might spin out of control but this way I can keep it under bounds.

--Why are the numbers on the scale so important to you?
I think at least I know what threw me back into "the old routine". control. yeah go figure I'm a text-book case I guess. life was spinning out of control and I got back into SI but that can get really bad so...I felt I had to make the choice between SI and this...had to get control over the way I think and feel. I figured this is less, or at least more slowly damaging than SI...and less noticeable to the untrained eye.

Right now I am healthy. I ran 3 miles today and walked 1 but I drank plenty of water and rested and ate an apple afterward. the lowest weight for my range by definition would be 111. I am between 106-8 depending on the time of day. I'm trying to weigh myself less to avoid the trigger. I'm also short...I'm okay.

I feel so bad when people worry about me. I always get help when I know I'm really in trouble. My past posts reveal that.