Retro, you are not alone in your behaviors to keep a connection. I reread emails, I have a voicemail from over a year ago that I listen to from time to time, I have a picture and video of her from the web (she has very low web presence), and I have her business cards from the first couple of sessions. One of her cards lives in my backpack and goes with me pretty much everywhere. The other lives in the top drawer of my bedside dresser. Yesterday I showed T the one in my backpack as part of the story to how my Monday unfolded. She called it a touchstone.

I have not admitted to her that I have the voicemail, the picture, or the video or that I have searched her on the web. I have told her that I read the old emails and she knows I watched a more recent and public video.

She has told me repeatedly that it is ok to email her. I'm in a weird place right now so can't really comment on how I am doing with all that. The real problem with between session contacts is the waiting for replies and the content of the replies. Sometimes they can be so positive other times they can be eh, whatever... and sometimes they can be down right upsetting. They are (or can be) in and of themselves another rollercoaster.