I don't enjoy taking meds or like them but I have a combination that does allow me to have a life that's not interrupted with mania and depression for now. Mania for me is not euphoric or pleasant. It's uncontrolled energy with rage and I'm so uncomfortable, I can't stand the feeling of my own skin. It's like electricity buzzing through me all the time, it's impossible to be still. I have a million projects and ideas, start them all, finish none and am convinced I'm the most intelligent person in existence. I'm not nice, I'm actually pretty mean when I'm like that and I don't sleep. I was awake for 2 weeks one time. That's my record. And depression is just as bad. I don't have shades of gray with depression. I go from day 1, I don't feel so great to all the way to the bottom to the pit of blackness, I want to die in a heartbeat. I was like this for years on various combos of meds that worked for a little while and then stopped. It's just been the last little bit that I've found something that works. Seroquel worked but I wrecked two cars in one summer while taking it and it made me gain weight, too. I don't take it anymore.

What I'm taking now works without any side effects. I still feel a normal range of emotions. I don't like taking meds and I loathe the thought of having to most likely take them for the rest of my life but I'd rather be well than live in chaos without them.