Dear T,

Well isn't that 'weird', that I didn't realise that I needed you to be onboard with this idea, in order for me to feel like it was possible. I mean, when has that ever bothered me before, someone else's opinion having such an impact on the decisions that I make for myself. Very odd. But I am pleased that you seemed to be surprised that I had thought you weren't onboard before, you said that you couldn't remember. I am pleased that you suggested a slightly alternative way of doing it, and that you recognised that these things pile up and then when I look at the pile, it contributes to the 'I am stupid. I am useless' thoughts. Very true.

I am glad that I made you laugh when I said that you might be weird too. It was a joke, and I am I am glad that you took it that way.

Thanks for saying that we could walk together, in time, after we have talked and discussed and everything else. I agree, also, that other things may come first.

I am going to miss you too, but I am so, so, so, so pleased that we had a session today, before I go away, because that black hole has been very 'me' sapping, and I think I would have struggled to go away if we hadn't helped me out of it. I know I will only miss one session but it still matters, and thank you for seeing that. Thank you for even remembering that I am going away!! I think it is brave too. I have never been on holiday on my own.

So, I have acted on what we talked about, because if I didn't do it now, I don't think that I ever would, and it would just add to the pile. I feel like I can see a way off the ledge now, and that has to be a good thing.

I love you T, and I am really going to miss you, but I am going to have a nice time. Did you see that? Not, I am going to try to have a nice time, but I AM going to have a nice time. I had better start getting organised for my trip then! I love you, I love you, I love you.