I'm kinda at that point these days - close to throwing in the therapy towel. This week my dr and T are meeting to figure out what is to be done with me/for me. And really, it doesn't feel like anything can be done. What may help in therapy doesn't help on my own or can't be accessed. What happens during the week can't be accessed in therapy because another part has that info.... even what happens in therapy frustrates my T because ... like she said to me... "what you protray on the outside isn't nessessarly what is happening on the inside and I never know about it until later when you've had time to process it and write about it. " All the energy.... feels like maybe *this* is the dream and I should quit while I'm ahead, accept the fact that I'll never get out from this hole, and just go back to living the way i used to.
I don't know which is the right way to go. I can't just follow my heart or gut feelings - they don't work for this stuff. They only tell me when I'm in danger. Otherwise, they're broken. I can't see the future (as in goals or plans) and I can't remember the fragmented past that is held by all the parts. So I am in limbo - - like what was that steven king movie, the langolers? in a limbo where the edges are being eaten away by something i don't understand and I can't manage to get through the mebrane between me and the real future that actually holds promise.