Had a minor episode yesterday. Some physical symptoms started up, but I was able to keep my thoughts straight. I'm so relieved to not be experiencing major attacks like before. Still, it's challenging and confusing to feel my mind and body seemingly working against me. I did have a trembling, shaky feeling for an hour or so even after my mind settled.
It seems that as I continue to acknowledge/accept who my family is/was, the flashback stuff will keep coming back. Some stuff from first grade is trying to surface. I'm starting to feel that layer come flush with me now. i don't really want to see it, know it, or experience it, as usual. I do feel more willing than before, however.
I hope I won't feel the really horrible bad feelings in upcoming episodes. The fear and sickness. Yesterday it started with rapid thoughts and anxious feelings...it ended with sadness and tears. Not as bad. Tears feel alright, I think. It feels safer. After school was out, I did want to hide out in bed, yet cooked dinner for my family instead. I felt normal again half way through. I couldn't suppress past episodes, and luckily my children never saw me suffering because they were at school.
I believe that I am working through PTSD, and that I will "cure" myself, eventually. Of course, if I hit more major obstacles, it could take a lifetime