Dear Waterbear,

I am so sorry that these black holes keep coming up and landing on you. I agree that it seems like it is one step forward and several back, but you do always come back from them, as I have said before, stronger and bolder. You can do it, even though you don't think you can. I believe in you, I really do. I do think that you are amazing. I think that you are kind and thoughtful, funny and intelligent, strong and brave. I think that you are a truly wonderful person who really doesn't deserve all of this. You didn't deserve it all back then and you don't deserve these struggles now.

I so dearly wish that you had had the help that you needed back then. I wish that you hadn't fallen through the net. I wish that someone had been able to access you. It wasn't your fault. It was them that were not able, not you. I also wish you the very best in your efforts to build your relationships now. I have so much hope for you, but it keeps getting dashed, doesn't it. Please keep going, Waterbear. I want you to find what you are looking for, I really do. I want you to be happy.

I am so sorry that I cannot be who you want me to be. I have told you that, and I mean it. I just hope that you can find it somewhere, for you.

I cannot tell what the future holds for us. I just don't know, right now. All we can do is to keep things as they are, to keep going on our journey together and see where the road takes us. In time, as we go, we will constantly reassess and take stock of what is best, for you. I don't know what that will be. I don't even know what I think about it all, to be honest, and I am not sure that I ought to give it any thought, because if I do I may see what I want, and if I see what I want then I might not be able to see clearly what you think is best for you. Not what you want, but what is best for you, in the long run. It is confusing, isn't it.

Do you remember when I told you that these feelings are difficult, for the client, but that they are even more difficult when the other party wants it too? That was me giving in to my wants, somewhat. I am very fond of you, Heather, and I wouldn't be human if I didn't dream, if I didn't think about the what ifs and the what could bes, but that is not where we are right now.

Right now, I am here for you. When you need me I am here, as you need me to be, as best I can be, anyway. All I want is for you to be happy, and for you to be at peace, and I will work with you to achieve that for as long as you still want me to. I love you too, you know.