Some T:s give hugs, others don´t. I hug with my temporary counselor, a hug when we meet before our session starts. It feels kind of nice but not when I realized the hug isn´t mutual.

It´s always me who takes initiative to a hug and I understand most T:s do it that way, they don´t touch the client unless the client shows he or she want a hug, a handshake or such.

But when I got this thought about the hug not being mutual it felt degrading. That I hug without no form of mutuality. I understand it and my counselor hasn´t done anything, it´s just that if I don´t show I´m about to give her a hug she won´t initiate it. That´s kind of standard, at least here in Sweden, a kind of "therapeutic conduct".

But now I feel sad, it feels in some way dirty (not in an erotic way) to hug someone who doesn´t hug back on the same premises. My counselor doesn´t need my hug, she´s married and has friends and that makes this thought even worse. She hugs me in some kind of "charity act" and it feels deeply sad.