Thanks. Interesting. I agree in what you say about if the T was in a real need of a hug and I realize that would be crossing boundaries if the T for example was sad and turned to his/her patients for comfort.
I think what makes me feel itīs degrading with this not mutual hug is that I turn to a counselor for a hug and in life outside therapy I have no one to turn to for a hug. Itīs like I only get "fake" hugs.
I can kind of agree itīs a kind act from my counselor to give me a hug or more exactly hug me back when I hug her but itīs also like still being a little child who needs hugs from her mum (or dad).
I donīt think my counselors behavior, giving the hug, is degrading per se but me in that position, getting a hug from her in a not mutual situation is creating feelings of abasement.
That she does this feels like pity to me and because of the relationship we have she doesnīt give the hug because Iīm a good friend of hers, her child, her co-worker or such.
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Originally Posted by feileacan
I don't think that not needing a hug means being inauthentic when still hugging. I understand what you mean when you say that knowing that this hug is not mutual in every sense seems degrading. I have felt/thought the same way sometimes. However, I also think that it would be much worse when my therapist would really need a hug from me. What would it mean then? That I would have to be there for my therapist and not the other way around and then it wouldn't be my therapy. In that case my therapist would take advantage on me and satisfy his needs while I'm the one who's paying for it.
Also, maybe a parent-child metaphor can help you? I have two kids and they often come to hug me and I always return the hug. But I don't need to hug them in the same way they need to hug me. Which doesn't mean that I'm being inauthentic when I hug them back. I'm absolutely authentic and I hug them back with all my love I have for them, although I don't necessarily need this hug for myself.
I see the acts a T is doing without his/her own need being involved as acts of love. She does it because she knows you want/need it. She is willing to do it for you, she's not trying to take advantage of you to satisfy her own needs. She keeps her needs out and concentrates and focuses on you. I can see how easily it can be distorted and seen as degrading, while I truly think there is nothing degrading in genuinely trying to do good for another person.
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