Thank you so much for validating my feelings, Clara. On the one hand I feel guilty for being resentful toward my mother for her actions, because she has cancer and has been ill her entire life. She is very small and frail, and I have watched her health deteriorate so much in even just the last three years. But she has a tendency of making a point out of her sickness, if that makes sense... like she wants to be felt sorry for, but maybe not quite that extreme. She has been through a lot in life like me, but she sort of looks at it as her identity. Though she rarely complains, for her it is all about struggle, woe, and sickness.

My dad has not drank a drop since last Friday when he had his heart attack, though he still continues to smoke quite a bit, which worries me. My mom, on the other hand, could do nothing but drink while he was in the hospital the first time. One day she spent the entire day sleeping off a hangover. If I had not been here, there wouldn't have even been anyone to answer his calls. Not to mention the stress it put on him when she was awake and would answer him drunk. Stress for a person who has just suffered heart failure is VERY bad.

In the end, I was the one who tried to arrange him a ride home from the hospital, because my mom was too out of it even to function. This was when my older brother showed his... less than good parts, and left me scrambling to find another ride at the last minute when we know pretty much nobody who can drive, or would be willing to. In the end my dad had to call my 83-year-old grandpa who should not even be driving in the first place, let alone out of town. Thankfully, he (my grandpa) was able to get a neighbor and friend of his behind the wheel. That is also how he got home today. My mother did drink some beer while he was gone, but thankfully she doesn't get nearly as wasted on beer as she can on even a half pint of whiskey (due to her small size).

I am hoping and praying my dad recovers. I am hoping he will at least consider quitting smoking the way he has quit drinking. He had to go back this morning for chest pains after he has been smoking everyday since he got back home Monday evening. He was released again this evening. I actually think they released him too soon, and that they should have given him nicotine patches, even if he didn't ask for them. I want to talk to him about it, but I also cannot stress him out. He went to bed a while ago not feeling very good.