if you didn't want varied opinions on your conundrum, then why even start a thread?

Of course its 100% selfish to hide your truth (being gay) within the veneer of a heterosexual marriage - and one that you chose to produce children knowing that you are not heterosexual.

Not only have you betrayed your husband by marrying him when you knew you were gay, but you have betrayed your children, teaching them that shame is the better alternative when confronted with other people's judgement of whether or not you choose to live an authentic life. What kind of role model do you want to be to your own children?

Do you want to teach your children that they should be ashamed of themselves due to their fears of others' judgement of their choices, like you've been doing? Or, do you want to be a good role model to your own children, by showing them and their father (your husband) respect, by telling them the truth.

If you care more about what your parents and relatives et al think of you, then you have much larger issues to address with a therapist than the true sexual orientation that you identify with.

Either be a good role to your own children by coming clean with them, so that you can all transition into the new path together that your truth will set for yourself, your husband and your children. Or, continue to hide in shame, out of fear of judgment that has more power over your choices than you give credit for.

There are many resources that you could access to help you. Time to put your pride aside and do the right thing for your children, your husband, and for yourself.