I've done messed up things and lost friends because of it, for sure. I've had intense shame because of it too. It's not good for your mental well-being to be labeled a monster and rejected. We all need a sense of community and belonging. I guess the only thing I can say is every human being at some point does something messed up to another human being. The people that are judging you are being self-righteous. They probably have their skeletons too. I guess maybe just forgive them. Shame about what other people see you as serves no real good purpose, and I guess it takes effort to stop caring so much about what people think of you. Everyone in this life will have enemies, it's not possible to please everyone. Just gotta build a support network of people that love you and forgive you for your mistakes. They'll make up for the people who don't. Remorse can be a motivator for change, I guess. That's what stopped me from being abusive toward my family. I felt so bad about it that I eventually stopped. So I guess I would say maybe let the remorse help keep you from doing it again, but don't let it fester in you and destroy your happiness.