I was going through my mobile, cleaning up my text messages as you do.
Deleted all the old reminders of my appointments. The practice uses random numbers each time, so I didn't get the same number twice that often.
I miss Saturdays/Mondays when I used to get the reminders. I may only keep the last one for a while. Soon, his name won't come through in messages anymore.
Soon another dr will prescribe my meds, so I won't see his name on my meds anymore.
Soon, it'll be as if he didn't exist.
Sorry, I don't know how to deal with this. This is the longest I've had with anyone (3 years, fortnightly). Much harder than when my last good T terminated me suddenly after 2 years of weekly appointments.
I'm mad at myself for being so vulnerable, having told him so much, and for being so attached. Yes, the therapy did help a lot, and I am in a better place in life now, I'm just so sad. The kind of sad that makes my eyes leak a lot and my heart hurt. Not the deeply intense grief when my mother died suddenly, that was awful, every morning I would wake up and feel like someone had punched a hole right through me for months.
I don't know if I'm wallowing, or overthinking. Or if this is normal. The other psych I saw a couple of weeks ago said I would be sad for a while. I don't know if I want to see that one again or not. I didn't really like or click with him. I know it sounds nuts, but that crazy transference I had, while it drove me nuts, absolutely made me work hard to push through it and confide in him and half way trust him. So.. no idea if he knows that or not. He did say it's a big thing to trust someone with when I told him something, and he did talk about vulnerability and the walls going up, trust, etc. Then he's got and go leave just when I've got all my defences down.
Makes me feel I can't or won't get that close to anyone again, or trust/confide in anyone again that much.